Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
