Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
