I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
