Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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