Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
