Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
