I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
