i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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