Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
