What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
