I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
