she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
