You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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