i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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