i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
