drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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