Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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