I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
