A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
