then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
