Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
