do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
