i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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