Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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