she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
