In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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