When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
