I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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