you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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