I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
