we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
