the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My cat gives me a boner
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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