youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
