i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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