just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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