Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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