you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
