i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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