I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
