Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
