the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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