That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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