can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
