I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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