Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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