can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
