uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
