I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
