don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Randomize
