moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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