used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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